i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
