Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
