We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
