Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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