Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
