this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
