Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
