I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
