listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
