Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She announced her abortion via fbk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
