I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
