I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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