i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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