Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
