As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
