got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
