It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
