Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
