just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
