the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
