You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
