4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
