Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
