Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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