i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
