Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
