she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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