We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
