Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
