I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
