too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
