So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
