Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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