things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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