there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
