nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
