Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
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