i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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