once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Vodka?
Forever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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