I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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