He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
