just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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