"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
