So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
