I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
