Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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