There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
