i don't like sucking hair
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
