Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
