I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
