my phone needs a breathalizer
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
